I have been involved in the rope communities of Seattle and Portland for 3+ years. It’s been quite the learning experience, with times of struggle and acceptance at what I can and cannot do, and then times of realization that I can do so much more than what I believe.
Thankfully I have had rope tops who have learned and grown with me during these times. I continue to push myself far beyond what I believe I can do, simply for the challenge, both physical and mental.
I’ve spent a good portion of my life limiting myself, believing the maligned and misinformed opinions of others that say I can’t do something.
Yes, I can. I can do anything I want to do. If that includes being suspended upside down from a beam in the ceiling or turned twisted and sideways and upside down, all at the same time, yes, I can. And I will.
Recently, I posted a photo on the Book of Face of a suspension I was tied into during the summer of 2016. A friend of mine messaged me privately and told me that she was so envious that I was participating in suspension, as someone told her she was “too fat” to be suspended.
I call bullshit on that opinion. Many things are taken into consideration when a rope suspension takes place: the rope top’s ability and comfort level, the bottom’s ability and comfort level, the physical abilities of the bottom, and the experience of both parties. Other than that, I do not believe that anyone on this earth is “too fat” to be suspended.
I asked my friend a couple questions: (1) what did she want to gain from being suspended; and (2) did she know anyone in the rope and/or kink community that she could “shadow” to see if it *was* something she would still be interested in (of course, taking into consideration that I’ve done this for a while and can tell my top when something feels “off” or “wrong” and can we change something about a specific tie?).
I have days of low self-confidence; some days, I question every part of my ability. However when I am tied, I feel very comfortable and it is almost always a sublime experience. Surreal may be a more accurate word as to what the feeling of rope on my skin does to me. Depending on the tie involved, sometimes the rope digs into my shins or my thighs … if I’m in a TK (box-tie), sometimes the rope digs into my forearms and biceps. It’s all part of the game and at times, I deeply crave rope.
I am lucky enough to have a semi-weekly rope date with a lovely rope top, who knows that he can “do all kinds of shit to Shawna”. We learn together, and grow together, and build our confidence together. We laugh about mistakes and change things around together and check-in constantly with each other. It’s a fabulous thing to have this opportunity to build such a strong, trusting relationship with another person.
So … for those of you who have been told you can’t do something: Yes, you can. Ignore the naysayers and haters; they will *always* be there to pull you down.
Stand up straight, chest out, and walk your walk. You do you and I’ll do me. Be kind and gentle, and if you don’t have anything nice to say, then keep it to yourself.
And remember … yes, you can.